Accentuating the positive

Are you listening? And what exactly are you hearing?

I found myself in Asda earlier today and I was chatting to the lady serving me. We were engaged in a polite chat about what she had been doing on her day off a few days earlier. She said, “In the afternoon I looked after my granddaughter, but you know what, I can’t remember what I done in the morning”
My Toastmasters listening radar immediately fired off……….
Toastmasters’ meetings have a defined structure to help them run smoothly and consistently with club members taking turns undertaking the various roles. The goal with these roles is to give opportunities to speak in public but they also to refine other skills. The Toastmaster, the person in charge of the meeting as a whole, leads the presentation team, speech evaluators offer constructive feedback to the speakers, time timekeeper ensures all speakers keep to their allotted time and the Grammarian listens for incorrect and interesting uses of grammar.
So, my ‘Grammarian ears’ picked up the incorrect use of grammar; the cashier ‘should’ have said ‘I can’t remember what I did in the morning’.

Having reflected on it

I realised that I stopped listening to her as the dialogue in my head kicked in that she had made a mistake and she was somehow ‘wrong’. The conclusion I have come to is that I was wrong in judging her like that.

Listening is a skill.

As far as our conversation was concerned, she was understood, and I noticed that I was not necessarily listening for the good uses in her language. It can be easy to focus on the negative or less desirable. Highlighting the positive takes more effort.

How to retune so we highlight the positive

I recently read a letter in the Toastmasters magazine about a club that had replaced the role of the Ah Counter with the Pause and Filler Counter. The Ah Counter normally counts the number of filler words, such as ‘um’ and ‘ah’ and they report back on these at the end of the meeting.  Conversely, the new Pause and Filler Counter role, counts the number of times someone effectively used pauses to fill space. As such the focus was very much on the positive and celebrating good use of language as opposed to highlighting an undesirable behaviour. As a result, they have noticed far few filler words, I guess the old saying, ‘you get what you focus on’ is true here.

The question to leave you with is, are you listening and what are you focusing on, something positive, or something else?

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

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